I do not have my shit together. I don’t. I wish I did. Oh, how I wish I did. Aside from the routine that is working a full-time job, I couldn’t tell you what I’ll be doing tomorrow after work, or what I will be doing in a couple months. I graduated in December, from university–with a bachelor’s. No big deal, I guess, but they certainly don’t just hand them out. Seeing my friends graduate this semester, when I was supposed to made me feel left out. It left me feeling ‘with a need to graduate’. I don’t think I took my graduation as serious as my peers, I was excited…to get out, let me tell you! I was so over school, it was wearing me out. It’s a time consuming, soul-sucking, passion-drying institute at times. To say, “good riddance,” is to say the least. Now that their tenure is over and I’ve had a semester to get ahead, I don’t feel very ahead. If anything, I feel pretty behind. This is added by the fact that people boast about their accomplishments, goals, and successes like a business advertising a liquidation sale.
I was reading someone’s caption on Instagram and it read: It’s so beautiful how vulnerable we are online, we post pictures of every moment, there is no privacy… Well, it was something along those lines. Needless to say, I felt that she has a wrong idea of vulnerability. For some reason, I find my friends living more of an online social-media life than an actual real-life life. In social media, yes, people know where you are, but you can adjust that. In reality, nothing on social media, is per say, as naked as it seems. Plus, why is no one naked in real life?
This is probably the most frustrating thing in the whole world to me, the fact that people aren’t naked in real life. We don’t talk about anything real, we talk about dumb stuff. We talk about drinking, boys, and surface topics. I’m not saying I don’t like to drink,but if we are doing it, why are we talking about what we are doing. Are we really out of subject matter? Why are you looking at your phone? Are you looking up topics to talk about, or on Facebook? There are so many things happening in the world, I’m not talking about shootings, though those happen, but in the arts. There are museums, what books are you reading? Have you discovered a new talent about yourself? I have, did you know I started writing poetry. You don’t, because we never get naked, we are fully clothed and we live in Texas, how are you not dying from the heat?
I wish my friends, family, and people around me weren’t so scared to get deep. I love getting deep. Sometimes it may be emotionally draining, but most times, it’s nice to stop scraping the surface and scoop your hand into some delicious creamy peanut butter and put it into your mouth. I can see why being online is more comfortable to release classified information, no one sees you, I mean really sees you. We can all have a facade, for all people know I am dead. I haven’t updated my social media in a while.
If I could be anything in life, it would be to be real, fun, and honest in real life. Where my actual persona was better than my online persona. Where people said we need to hang out, and they’re not just sufficed with me by talking to me online. I want to invoke hunger in others for human interaction, likewise, I want hunger from others. I want to know people. I want us to go deep, get naked, embrace our vulnerabilities. Stop the trying to impress, the one-upping on who’s having more fun or is more tired, just a real fun deep conversation. No pretending, no filter, just two people enjoying themselves and talking about how they feel about things. Anything, even if the feelings go against normalcy (if it exists, even). Will you get naked with me, please?