I do not have my shit together. I don’t.  I wish I did. Oh, how I wish I did. Aside from the routine that is working a full-time job, I couldn’t tell you what I’ll be doing tomorrow after work, or what I will be doing in a couple months. I graduated in December, from university–with a bachelor’s. No big deal, I guess, but they certainly don’t just hand them out. Seeing my friends graduate this semester, when I was supposed to made me feel left out. It left me feeling ‘with a need to graduate’. I don’t think I took my graduation as serious as my peers, I was excited…to get out, let me tell you! I was so over school, it was wearing me out. It’s a time consuming, soul-sucking, passion-drying institute at times. To say, “good riddance,” is to say the least. Now that their tenure is over and I’ve had a semester to get ahead, I don’t feel very ahead. If anything, I feel pretty behind. This is added by the fact that people boast about their accomplishments, goals, and successes like a business advertising a liquidation sale.

I was reading someone’s caption on Instagram and it read: It’s so beautiful how vulnerable we are online, we post pictures of every moment, there is no privacy… Well, it was something along those lines. Needless to say, I felt that she has a wrong idea of vulnerability. For some reason, I find my friends living more of an online social-media life than an actual real-life life. In social media, yes, people know where you are, but you can adjust that. In reality, nothing on social media, is per say, as naked as it seems. Plus, why is no one naked in real life?

This is probably the most frustrating thing in the whole world to me, the fact that people aren’t naked in real life. We don’t talk about anything real, we talk about dumb stuff. We talk about drinking, boys, and surface topics. I’m not saying I don’t like to drink,but if we are doing it, why are we talking about what we are doing. Are we really out of subject matter? Why are you looking at your phone? Are you looking up topics to talk about, or on Facebook? There are so many things happening in the world, I’m not talking about shootings, though those happen, but in the arts. There are museums, what books are you reading? Have you discovered a new talent about yourself? I have, did you know I started writing poetry. You don’t, because we never get naked, we are fully clothed and we live in Texas, how are you not dying from the heat?

I wish my friends, family, and people around me weren’t so scared to get deep. I love getting deep. Sometimes it may be emotionally draining, but most times, it’s nice to stop scraping the surface and scoop your hand into some delicious creamy peanut butter and put it into your mouth. I can see why being online is more comfortable to release classified information, no one sees you, I mean really sees you. We can all have a facade, for all people know I am dead. I haven’t updated my social media in a while.

If I could be anything in life, it would be to be real, fun, and honest in real life. Where my actual persona was better than my online persona. Where people said we need to hang out, and they’re not just sufficed with me by talking to me online. I want to invoke hunger in others for human interaction, likewise, I want hunger from others. I want to know people. I want us to go deep, get naked, embrace our vulnerabilities.  Stop the trying to impress, the one-upping on who’s having more fun or is more tired, just a real fun deep conversation. No pretending, no filter, just two people enjoying themselves and talking about how they feel about things. Anything, even if the feelings go against normalcy (if it exists, even). Will you get naked with me, please?


Chef Gordom Ramsay and Jesus Christ

I recently saw these two videos: One, which is of Gordon Ramsay with someone with a disability. Second, him with a young girl. Chef Gordon Ramsay is an inkling of Jesus Christ. You’re probably saying, “I see that.” If not, well super, because now I can write this blog.

Chef Ramsay is known for being a great chef, but he has been known to rip people apart. What do the people who he rips apart all have in common? They’re professional chefs, who should know better. When dealing with the professional blind chef, he is critiquing her in a loving way. He is showing compassion for her, but not treating her any differently than he would someone else. He acknowledges that she is upset and not confident she did well. Gordon Ramsay handles this beautifully, in my opinion. He shows you don’t have to berate someone in order for them to learn, but also that he knows when to attack, and when to do it lovingly.

The second video, the little girl is teary-eyed because she thinks she messed up. Chef Ramsay walks over and not only tells her it’s okay, but that he won’t leave until she smiles. Why? He has children, and has compassion, and uses what he’s learned from being a father to handle the situation positively, so that the little girl is not discouraged from trying. He handles this beautifully.

We  see him handle two different situations with care and love, showing compassion for each. This is how Jesus is, and was during His time here on earth.

Jesus Christ was never rude to anyone, He is an embodiment of love. He did although correct and was honest with the Pharisees, harsh? Maybe. He called them out. This is in Matthew 23. What do the Pharisees have in common? They were knowledgeable about the word of God. They knew theology. This is how I see the chefs, Gordon Ramsay was difficult and harsh with them because they were professionals, they knew–or should know– better. Jesus called out the Pharisees’ hypocrisy because they should know better.

The reason I also connected those videos with Jesus, was because Jesus was known to love children and heal those with disabilities.  Matthew 19:14, He says to let them come to me, and uses them as example for who will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Through out the gospels, especially in Matthew, it talks about Jesus’ healing and how He healed them, not only for their faith, but because He felt compassion for them–those with disabilities.

In short, Chef Ramsay’s compassion and his dealing with these two situations give an inkling of how Jesus was on earth. Jesus called  out the Pharisees, and dealt with each person according to what they were struggling with, because He has love and compassion. He also would never call non-believers out, because they don’t know about God, the way the Pharisees did. Pharisees are like the Chefs, they’re professional in that field. In order for you to be a professional, you must know and act like it. Jesus calls them out for knowing, but not acting, or truly following the word of God. Gordon Ramsay calls out those who are supposed to be professional chefs, and make mistakes they should not make because they are professional.

You are known by what you produce, your fruits, not by what you know,  say you know, or title.

Any thoughts or comments? I’d love to know, this was just a thought that came to my head, and I wanted to share.



I’m not that Judgmental, I’m sure…

I was on the DART-Dallas’s Public Transportation- and I was looking outside, this lady said to me, “you seeing me?” I just nodded no, and looked in the other direction. I kept thinking, “This ghetto crackhead,” and wanted to tell my friend as a joke what had happened. She didn’t answer, and I thought to myself, once I describe this person, what picture would I of created of her. She was to me, ghetto and psychologically not all there, she was “obviously” a black homeless lady. If someone were to describe a ghetto person on the DART, and that they were talking to themselves, I would of automatically thought, “must of been a black person.” Now, shortly after, I was walking next to the Convention Center on my way to Dallas City Hall, when this lady greeted me with a, “Hey, Happy Holidays,” and a big smile. I kept thinking how this lady was also black, and how if someone were to describe her to me as a pleasant, kind, and thoughtful person, would I automatically go, “she was ‘obviously’ black.” I feel that sometimes we feed into stereotypes by how we tend to describe people, and how we attach those characteristics to their color. Whenever, someone says, “I had this customer who couldn’t speak English, it was awful.” I will automatically think a Mexican customer or Hispanic. Now, there are tons of other races and ethnicities who don’t speak English, but I connect “bad-english” with someone who is “of Hispanic descent.” So, the difference that I am trying to make is, talk about those positive folk who do something good, and say they were so-and-so. Then, the next time I explain someone and say, “that someone was sweet and greeted me,” people will say, “oh they were black (or whatever color) or race, right? They had to be, they are so kind.” Sometimes  I feed the stereotypes, instead of breaking them down.Not all Black people are ghetto, and not all Hispanics have bad-english. Any person can be ghetto and/or bad at english. But, if we described people  of different races who did something good, positive, and kind, then maybe, just maybe, we can stop negative stereotypes and create positive ones.

I wouldn’t lead with that, If I were me.

I like being introduced, I don’t mind meeting new people on behalf of friends.But something I have a problem with is, when people introduce me as something and I feel I have to confirm the introduction. For example, “This is my friend Sam, he’s really funny.” As soon as I hear that, I’m thinking, “Well great, now I have to be funny!” I don’t have a problem with people thinking that I’m funny, but now I feel like I have to deliver. The reason for this post is, I just started writing and I’ve gotten some followers, and now I feel pressure. Pressure to write well, and pick topics that are entertaining. I feel like someone just introduced me as, “This is Samuel, he’s a writer.” What do you automatically expect when someone says that? For the material to be good, for this person writes. Do you ever feel like that?  I went to Spain for a semester, and when I came back, it seemed like all spanish speakers were doing was trying to find ways to correct me. Oh my goodness, you don’t know what that’s called or how to pronounce that. Well didn’t you go to Spain? Yes, I did, but never in my six months did I have to ask for a chiropractor. I don’t know what that is in spanish. My mother does this a lot, “Oh my son, yea, he’s in a university,” and then people expect me to be something. And I am shy, cripplingly shy, and I am awkward at small interval conversations, and I am well spoken, but for the most part I just speak. Do you guys ever feel like that? When someone introduces you as something, you feel that you have to be what that person introduced you as and do it well. Maybe it’s just me. But it goes down to,  I will not deliver if I am expected too. I am not funny, smart, or well spoken, when I am expected to be, because I am so fixated on being those things that I psych myself out and make an utter fool of myself. I can’t promise, with this blog, that I’ll be funny, or always well spoken, but they will be my honest thoughts and feelings. They will be something you can read, something worth reading? Hm, I’ll let you decide. I just felt pressure to be good, and I don’t like to feel pressure for something that comes natural to me, like being smart. (That was a joke, see I’m funny, without pressure.) Oh, you didn’t think that was funny? Well maybe my next post then. From now on, if we ever meet, I’ll introduce you as, “Hey this is my Friend so and so” and I hope you’d do the same for me. And plus, if I am all these amazing  things that you love about me, you don’t have to mention them, people will notice them. Likewise for y’all.

Settlers Settle

Do you ever just sit down in your room and think of all the cards at hand? Think of what you bring to the table, and how much you can fit on the table, and what kind of table you have. I do, a lot, especially recently.But here I am at 21- kind of dumb to think my life is over,  when it’s just beginning. That is not what this thought is about, it’s about the fact that I’m starting to settle on things. Things I have most of my life to achieve. I was thinking about success and how I’d love to be a comedic actor, but then I thought, I’m not that funny. Maybe if I’m just funny with my friends. But why not just be funny and get paid for it? Do you know what I mean? I feel that as we get older or me for the matter, I’m not getting braver, but more scared of things not working out .So, I settle for mediocre possibilities. Life is full of risks that  come with low to high  risk levels. Do people even mention that part? They should say life is full of risks* (an asterisk on the word risks-and explain they may be low or high) It’s riskier to dive off a cliff than a diving board into an 8ft pool. I want to jump off a cliff, but rationalize that the jumping feeling will be sufficed from jumping off a diving board into an 8ft pool. I don’t know why I’m doing this, and why I’m having all this doubt. Well  I can..a teacher I just had, she is a bit of  a blunt person. Now I am all for honesty, but the truth should help not hurt.  It’s so easy to say, “ah you’re not good for that just do something else.” The hard part is helping someone achieve that goal and help them with all that is in their way, whether it’s themselves or other people. Isn’t that more rewarding? You get more out of life, beating the odds, than being beat by them. Oh, those odds, am  I right? I think we are our own worst enemies sometimes. We control how we do and what we do. We can either do  it well or bad, we have the option. Unless it’s a reporter’s live shot, that’s leaving things to chance. But everything else we can prepare for or deal with in time and continue. I challenge my self, but you are more than welcome to join me, to stop settling. Go after what I want, and fight. I mean my parents didn’t come from Mexico for a better life for their children, so that  I would settle. And if you’re not mexican, sorry. Just Kidding. Where ever you live or are from, we have the internet guys, I mean the possibilities are endless. So let’s stop settling, and imagine how wonderful life would be and could be, and should be, if we stopped settling.

I’m someone’s disappointment, Asshole!

Isn’t it funny how we treat people? I work at H&M at the Galleria in Dallas, I am a Sales Advisor. I like my job, it’s part-time. I get yelled at, people give me more attitude than a model at a photo shoot, and I get talked to as if I’m stupid. First and for most, let me clarify, I am not working at H&M, because I’m stupid, I’m working there because I’m poor. But isn’t that funny? How we have stereotypes for certain things. I hold conversations with a lot of customers, and I’ll ask, “What school do you go to?” and they’ll respond and ask awkwardly as to not offend,” Do you go to school?” And me trying to not only tell them I go to school, but to establish I’m not an idiot, brag about my accomplishments and how I’m here to raise money so that I can return to Europe. But yet, I do that. I go to other people’s work place and assume that they’re there because their life’s not going great. I’m never rude off the bat to people, or really, but I’ve seen people be devoured by angry customers. The whole time I’m thinking, that’s someone’s child, or parent, or best friend. When I see someone on the street, I think, that’s someone’s something. When people are mean to me, I just want to say, “Don’t talk to me like that, you don’t know me.” But then again, no one who actually knows me, would talk to me like that, because they know me. My main question to people who are rude to me is, “What does you being rude to me do for your life?” Because if it adds joy not easily attainable in this economic climate then by all means continue. When we were younger we were asked to live by one rule in the classroom, “Treat others how you want to be treated.” How does something so mundane, hold so much meaning, and be easily applicable, yet we choose not to. We think we are better than people because I go to college, or I’ve been to Europe, or because I’m wearing thrifty clothes. I don’t know at what point in my life I started thinking I was better than people, but it’s also the reverse, I think people are better than me. I think people think it’s okay to treat others whom they perceive as lower, badly, but I’m someone’s son. I’m someone’s best friend. I jus think that if we humanized people, instead of just seeing their job title, or clothes, looks, etc. We wouldn’t be so rude or so quick to disregard when rudeness is being performed in our presence. This is not a strong worded letter to assholes, but more of a call to action. Why don’t we start treating others how we want to be treated? And I think I should, and no one is better than me, and I’m not better than anyone-even if I think so, by comparison. Plus, it’s more rewarding to be nice than mean, don’t challenge me on this, I might be on to something.

“You’d be beautiful, if you weren’t so ugly.”- Me to Me

“I have stretch marks,” yelled Samuel inside his head. Woo! That felt good. What a relief that was. I also have pimples on my face, sometimes not on my face—nothing STD like, but you get the idea, I hope—I’m not disgusting, promise. It’s kind of annoying trying to be beautiful, when natural things you have no control over get in the way. I didn’t buy stretch marks and if so, can I return them without a receipt? I live in Texas so when the sun is out, basically everybody’s body is too. Some bodies you’re in awe with, and jealous of. Others you’re thinking how do they have so much confidence? They have stretch marks, gross. Then I start thinking, “I have stretch marks,” am I gross? I don’t think so. I mean I am as comfortable naked with myself as much as the next guy. I show love to myself—that is not a euphemism. It is then that I knew the inevitable. I was brainwashed. I was brainwashed by society and the media to “know” was is beautiful and what is not. I was not insulting, but definitely not pro-anything that wasn’t media beauty. It didn’t stop there, I would think things such as: they have yellow teeth, look at their eyebrows; they have blackheads, and other things. I know we can fix a lot of stuff, but I honestly I have better things to spend money on. If you’re not getting the idea of this post, it is that I was basically calling everything ugly on others that I had on myself. I was basically calling my self ugly, by definition. Which to media standards I am not “beautiful.” Nowadays, nothing gets me going like someone who has imperfections. Let me clarify, they don’t turn me on, but if they don’t have a defect—something natural—I’m not interested. I like people to be humans, and not perfect. I’m all for you being Adonis, but I am not. If only, right? I just think society and the media make it hard to love yourself, and accept others because of what they portray. Well I say, the media can cocoa butter my stretch marks, but they’re here to stay. And just like everyone with their imperfections, we have great personalities. That’s what a guy loves, so it’s all-good. But in all seriousness, I always think that: If the reason many of us don’t like our imperfections is because they aren’t shown in the media, we are just shown how to fix, get rid, or hide them. For example wrinkles. The wrinkles from laughing you get that thicken with age. That is beauty, nothing is more beautiful than an honest and pure laugh. I have laugh lines, and then I think maybe if I didn’t laugh as much, they’d go away. If you’re thinking that I’m really stupid, I’m right there with you. I even laugh at how stupid I am, hence the reason I have laugh lines. But I am coming to terms with myself and you should as well. Because there are 7 billion people on this world, one of them has got to find me attractive, right?

Experiences? Yes, please, I’d love some.

Why do I do things? That is the question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately. Why do I brush my teeth? Why am I training to run a marathon? Why am I listening to “Knuck if you Buck”? I’m at the cusp of graduating from my university as a broadcast journalist. I could make a joke about how all I’ll have to show for it is debt, but that’s not true, I will also have a degree. A Degree, ladies and gentlemen (I just didn’t hear any clapping– I wanted to reiterate.) But the thought of graduating and having to go into the work force in order to be successful at a young age, drains me. I’m not saying I’m not ambitious, but I am saying I want to do other things. There I said it. I want to do other things. I don’t know how cliche this sounds, but I am in love with the idea of living a movie life. Let me explain, you know how in the movies, a couple will meet one night and spend 3 straight days in one’s apartment (complete strangers) and decide they need to get out for fresh air and food. I want to do that. I want to meet strangers and open up so much, they look for a lid. I guess, what I am trying to put into words is that I don’t want to miss out on experiences, because I want or am expected to climb the corporate ladder after graduation. To prove that I am not a failure, to impress in hindsight, honestly. But will I have time for fun and experiences ? I don’t want to brag, but being a reporter is one of the top 10 most stressful jobs. What can you say about your future career? Right now, it is summer. I have no summer school, just work and living the life I should be, of leisure. I think it’s good to ask “Why?” It’s scary because you start rethinking everything, but a lot of times I do feel we do things because we feel it’s expected or to impress. Trying to meet expectations and impress hurts my head and my bank account.

I’m not Beyoncé, and I hope that’s okay.

I was on Tumblr–– after the Beyoncé “secret” album dropped. There were posts on my dashboard that read, “You have as many hours in a day as Beyonce,” and, “On a scale from One to Beyonce-how much of your potential are you using?” Which got me to think, if she can, I can. I am in my “hardest” semester in college, according to myself and stats I’m sure. But I thought, I can do more, I’m not even close to my potential. I decided to run my first marathon, ever! I think the ever adds more of a “WOW” factor. (I’m sure using “quotations” a lot.) That’s not it. In order to run my marathon, I decided to do it on behalf of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. My goal was to raise $3,200, dollars, not yin, and I was going into it thinking I could. I also had a part-time job. My week consisted of Mon-Thur: Full-Time Student, where I was a journalist (news reporter for the local TV station) and tried to schedule running and Fri-Sun: Part-Time Employee, where I tried to schedule running-and raising money. It’s safe to say, I hope, that this went on since January and it is now April. Where I am running a marathon, but not raising the money, still a student and still part-time. I haven’t had a breakdown, it’s not in my character, I’m a man. But I have definitely felt overwhelmed to say the least. I learned through this journey that I indeed am not Beyonce, and had to convince myself that that is okay. I plan on raising money for the LLS later on in the year, I have finished all my assignments for my classes and continue to work. I may not be up to Beyonce’s potential, but then again, it can be argued if she’s human. For now I am trying to live to MY full potential, and it may not be Over the Moon, but perhaps just up to, and that’s okay? Right? Correct. Plus, I can always surpass it.